Four Cardinals—The Talking Bird

Is your relationship hitting the rock lately and it seems your spouse is impossible to please? Is daunting to talk to him/her? These are just a few cardinal points on communication that sure will help.

The Talking Bird:  

Every communications begins with a word and it depends on how the words are presented. Like the popular saying, the reality of a word is half what is said and half how it’s presented. In my dialect, it is translated that “I am sorry” has a female and male version. The talking bird likes to talk and talk, which is just the opposite of silence. But the crime is not in talking, the question here is, what do you talk about? You haven’t done what we agreed upon? Why are you just coming home? A man complained, “My wife just talks and talk”. You are being the chit chatter with quality purposeful words. What are you saying? Even if you are not talking, you are still saying something, “Silence”. You are saying nothing and that can be frustrating to anyone. Most couples make the mistake of saying, “there is nothing to talk about”. Couples return home, eat dinner, do things separately and say, “There is nothing to talk about”. That brings us to the subject of interest.

Begin talking on areas of interest. Begin with an open ended question and conversation that would allow your partner to tell you how she/he feels. The content of discussion do not necessarily have to be about the heat of the moment, dislikes and revenge. It is the worst time to know or ask, “If you are loved or feel loved”. You don’t force talking. There are grey and more grey areas to avoid in the heat of the moment so don’t force it. Let it flow naturally. Also add up situations. Is he tired or she’s weary to talk when you bring up discussion? Could be the wrong time or do you remind him/her some things that are loathed so badly? Why not take a walk to discuss a dispute, instead of using your bedroom all the time. Why not be silent for a minute and use your eyes and gestures, play a game and decide both to be free minded. What do you do when you talk? Slam the door, burst into tears and forget all you wanted to say, break things—that’s scary on its own, beat around the bush? Look into your partners eyes and tell it as it is. Don’t get turned up that you shout, turned off that you let go. Pursue the conversation with interest, persistence and gently. Talk the truth but this is different from hurting your partner with words. Many men sit on the pouch of pretence, lying to be the man; many women hide beneath the safety screen of clichés, trying to be modest. “I am fine, it is well—it gets you both nowhere. If there is an issue to be solved, talk the truth in love; don’t send it like a dagger to the heart. Don’t call him names, accuse, blame and be sarcastic; it cuts like a blade. The truth in love also cuts but heals quickly and does no harm. Don’t say it with attitude and manners or with red flush of blood flying through your veins. The bottom line, choose the right words and present it like a platter of tasty inviting food. Shut the talkative you and get the talking you out!

This is just one of the four cardinal points of communication. Find the rest here!